Panic attacks 

I had a panic attack today. 

I have been having problems these last two weeks with sleeping as I keep having nightmares. I worry that good isn’t foot enough and am angry with myself if I get anything less than 100% in a test or don’t work hard enough. 

I’ve been putting all this pressure on myself to be perfect when I should have been looking to be happy. I’ve made myself sick and sleep deprived and today I cracked but sadly I cracked at school inform of my English class and again in maths. My class mates now know I’m cracked and that I’m breaking. Everyone is being so nice but I don’t want their pity I just want them to see me as normal. 

Sadly normal and perfection are conceptualised ideas and are not obtainable so for now I’m just having to patch up the cracks. As Deadpool once said “if you can’t fix it with tape your not using enough tape” 

I really hope to hear from you guys about so please comment or email me. 
Teen to teen out



You can never win a fight with a parent

When I do something wrong my parents are all ready with the adoption papers and the speeches of what I won’t be able to do in the future. 
My aspiration is to be a chef one day and yesterday after making cupcakes for my friends I washed and cleaned the kitchen. However one spoon had a speck of chocolate still on it which lead to my mother recounting every time she has heard of someone who has food poisoning and saying that she will forbid me from cooking and that then I’ll never be a chef. All in all it was not good. I was stood there repeating the work OK as I knew that if I said anything else I would either cry or start yelling at her. This was not a good decision as then she started having a go at me for saying ok repeatedly as that obviously means I’m not listening. So instead I decided to stay quiet which then lead to her being annoyed that I wasn’t replying so then I said to her that I was listening. Her response was “don’t use that tone at me”. 
I then went toff to bed as I knew I would not win this fight and as soon as I was halfway up the stairs my mother shouted up “see you in the morning, love you”. This is why I hate it when I’m in an argument / being told off by my mother as she always wins, I always almost cry and then she pretends it never happened and doesn’t understand how horrible and sad she has made me feel.
Do any of you have these problems to and if so please comment them down below. 
Teen to teen out 

Chris Russell interview (17/2/17

I read an amazing book called “Songs about a girl” by Chris Russell that i strongly recommend you read and I can’t wait for the sequel. I was very fortunate that Chris is a very friendly author and has answered some questions for me so here it is.

1) Why did you start writing?
I’ve been lucky enough to tour all over the world with my band, The Lightyears, and a few years ago I started writing tour diaries chronicling our various adventures. One day, my lead singer suggested I turned those tour diaries into a novel, and that novel became Mockstars, a rock ’n’ roll comedy very loosely based on The Lightyears. After that, I spent three months ghost-writing for a One Direction fan-site in Australia and developed an obsession with boy bands – an obsession which eventually gave rise to Songs About a Girl …!
2) Have you ever had a problem with writing a book?
Well, the simple answer is – yes, all the time! All writers do. The writing process is massively rewarding, but it’s never easy. Think of it like mountaineering: if you were a mountain-climber who made it to the top of Everest, the next time you tried it, you’d know what you were doing, but that wouldn’t make it “easy”. You’d still encounter problems and challenges along the way. I guess the difference would be that you would know, from experience, that you had it in you to reach the top.
3) Do you have a special space where you write your stories?
I like to vary it. When I’m at home, I write standing up, in my living room (standing up is much better for your health, and it also helps me think), but I often find it helps my productivity to get out of the house and change my environment. Big chunks of Songs About a Girl were written in libraries all over London.
4) Do you get inspired by the public, family or your own imagination for characters and situations in you books?
A bit of all three! Part of being a writer is, quite simply, noticing the world. You might, for example, overhear some tiny interaction when you’re on a bus, make a note of it and, months later, use it in a story. Writers have to be observers. We have to be aware of the world around us, every day.
5) How do you come up with characters’ names?
I trust my gut. On the whole, names come to me quickly, by instinct, and they stick. So with Charlie, for instance, I wanted her to have a unisex name because in some ways she’s quite a tomboy (and also, if I’d been a girl, my parents would have called me Charlotte!). I chose Bloom as her surname partly as a veiled reference to the YA author Judy Blume, and partly because it’s suggestive of growth – of someone coming out of themselves, changing, and blossoming into an adult … which is what happens to Charlie over the course of the trilogy.
6) Do you know anyone like your characters in any of your books?
Ha! 🙂 The general rule is that it’s OK to base your fictional characters on people you know, provided you never reveal them in public! But, yes, you do often find yourself borrowing traits from friends and acquaintances. Olly Samson is partly based on my best mate, George, who is also the lead singer in my band. George is blue-eyed and charming, with an amazing singing voice, and just a thoroughly good person through-and-through … just like Olly.
7) If you could choose between a series of TV shows or a film to adapt your books into, which would it be?
I think Songs About A Girl would work best on TV, because the plot is quite complex and would be better served by, say, three seasons on television than by three movies. Plus, these days, TV tends to be a more innovative medium, which would provide more scope for the potential music tie-ins (think about what they’ve done with the TV show Nashville – running live concert tours and so on).
8) Has it always been your dream to be an author?
In a way, yes – and in another way, no. I was into books and writing before I was into music, but the way my life panned out, I ended up pursuing a career as a musician first, and then circling back (unexpectedly) to writing. In retrospect, I think that was the right way to do it – novels come more naturally once you have things to say, once you’ve lived a bit. So for me, spending all those years on the road with my band gave me something to write about. It gave me life experience. If I’d tried to write a novel before I’d done any of that, I’m not sure I’d’ve had much to say!
9) Do you record ideas for books via pen and paper, voice recorder, memory or your phone ?
Book ideas most commonly come to me in two places – the shower, and in bed, just as I’m dropping off to sleep. Which is great, but can be irritating if I’m need of a full night’s kip! But once the ideas come to me, I tend to note them on my phone, then transfer them to my master ideas document on my laptop.
10) Which of your characters do you think is most like yourself?
What a great question! I’d like to say Yuki, but that might be a bit conceited since he’s turned out to be a lot of people’s favourite character. 🙂 I guess there’s a fair bit of my personality in Melissa, too.
11) Did you write the amazing song lyrics that are in the book? And if so how?
Yes, I did. I’ve been writing songs since I was thirteen years old, so fortunately I had quite a bit of experience to fall back on. It was a challenge, of course – writing songs that I had to weave into a narrative – but from an artistic point-of-view, it was a really fulfilling thing to do. You can check out my early demos of two of the tracks at Also, over the next few months, I hope to be releasing a brand-new version of “Dance With You”, featuring four separate male vocalists, just as you’d get in a real-life Fire&Lights!

Why can’t I be like you

Why can’t I be like you?

All my life I have had one thing that has made me depressed and that is my weight. When I was younger I always knew I was different but at that age know one really cared but then secondary school came along. 

I have always worked out lots and love to box as I can lose my stress and anger at the same time as loosing weight. Yet some how I am still fat.ersonally I see my self as fit in the terms of athlete sims but a guy would never ever call me “fit”. 

I do not exactly want a boyfriend but I would like someone to see me s more than a friend who is a good sparing partner, a good cook or just one of the boys. I want to be liked by someone and I have always said I’d like a boyfriend before I leave school but I don’t think that will ever happen. 

I must admit I do eat healthily 95% of the time but sadly that 5% undoes it all. So therefore it’s that 5% that has caused me so much grief and to never be looked at twice by a guy. 

I do love my personality and even though I sometimes wish that I was less accident prone I think it all adds up to my charm and also love my talent as a cook. I just want that body that is seen as desirable and nice. I don’t necessarily want o be stick thin with a big thigh gap but I would like to have a flat toned stomach with slightly small things and calves. Is that so much to ask for?

All I want for Christmas is for a guy to give me a compliment that isn’t about my brain or cooking. 

I know many of you will think this is shallow and setting women back but all I want to be is loved and to love myself and to do that I need to be thinner. 

Please comment as always and if you have any stories you’d like to share please email me.

Teen to teen out


Happiest moment of my life

Today I met someone who reads my blog and talked with them which is so nice as I finally can put faces to names. 
I met a guy as I was talking to my friend and he revignised my tone and way of talking and asked if I read this blog and I said that actually I was the writer and he nearly cried. 
He told me of how his little sister had been sad at school and how I had shown her that she wasn’t alone and then hugged me (thurthest I’ve for with a guy) and then I met his sister. 
I must admit I cried as I never really believed that people read my blog and that it mattered as often it is just me ranting. I also loved that someone could understand that this is how I talk normally and that I don’t act differently on this blog as I want it to be the real me. 
I really wish I could meet all of you as every time I read your comments I realise what lovely people you all are. I know I have very few followers (only 67) but I never thought that I would even get one. 
Thank you for all being amazing 
Teen to teen out.

Songs about a girl – Chris Russel book review

Everyone must read this book

Chris Russel has managed to incaoture everything about being a 15 year old and being in love with a pop star whilst having to balance school work. (Obviously I know this from experience *sarcasm*)

The way Chris tells Charlie’s story makes you root for one guy and then for another never know who you should support whilst making you love and connect with every character. 

There was so much description without it being boring and every character was so developed even if it is a small insignificant character. 

I can’t even begin to consider a rating for this book as I know that it will be one I will read multiple times and will always love it. 

I urge all of you to read this and to get svedyone else to read it. You won’t regret it. 

Teen to teen out 


A little confession

I think I have a crush on someone.

I hate having a crush as I have a figure that guys don’t always find attractive and my personality and sense of humour that often sends me straight into the friend zone. What should I do?

Every time that I see and talk to him I smile and the mention of him makes me blush and become happier. We talk a lot and I always want to talk to him and talk about him but I have a feeling that I will always be just a friend as he could do better and as I said before I’m not the girl that guys would normally go for.

I don’t know what to do as I don’t want to live my life always having crushes and nothing more. I have never had a boyfriend and all of my friends have. I haven’t had my first kiss and I just want to have someone their for me. I feel like I may have a very late start to the dating thing (and may need to loose a few inches around my waist) and maybe that’s a good thing but it doesn’t help my self-esteem which is already low enough.

Please help and I hope I can help you.

Teen to Teen out